Accepting imperfection
II Cor. 3 : 1-12 John 8: 1-12
September 25, 1977
A young bride-to-be was extremely nervous at the rehearsal. Finally, when she appeared weak-kneed and unable to even practice the service, the clergyman called her into his study. The minister said: Now, I know you’re anxious and tomorrow is going to be scary)’ and emotional, but here is my favorite formula, which will carry you through the experience tomorrow.
‘When you enter the Church – and the procession begins – you will be walking down the aisle that you have walked down many times before. There is nothing strange or different about those few yards – you have walked down them many times in going to receive Holy Communion. Concentrate on that aisle!
When you get about halfway down, you will look up – and you will see the Altar. The Altar before which you and your family have worshipped for many years. Concentrate on that Altar, then, when you’re two-thirds of the way down, you will see him. The one to whom you will pledge your love – and with whom you will spend the rest of your life. Concentrate on him.
The girl seemed a little calmer when she left the study. And by next afternoon, when the wedding march began, she seemed completely composed. Except for one small thing. As she was serenely walking down the Church, each time she passed a pew, people began chuckling. You see, people heard her muttering: ‘Aisle – Altar – Him.” “Aisle – Altar – Him”.
We smile at this, but I sometimes wonder if this is not the dominant, or at least subdominant, theme in most of our relationships. – The need to alter him or her – the need to shape up – those with whom we interact.
I see wives and husbands who are always trying to change each other. They do this to fit some idealized picture of the perfect marriage relationship. I see young people, filled with youthful enthusiasm, trying to alter their parents’ ways. I see businessmen who constantly have a tightness in the back. of their necks – or stomach trouble – when they think about how their employees have performed during the past week .
I see the vast majority of people going through life with headaches and heartburns caused by the I will alter him! mentality.
But why? Why do we do this to ourselves and to others? I believe it stems from the fact that we can not accept imperfections in ourselves – or in others. In our culture, we have bought into the notion of perfection. Novels, movies, and television all deal with larger-than-life people. Even though we know better, we are constantly trying to fit our friends, our families, our world – into some kind of larger-than-life idealized package.? We appear successful – we put on a happy face – we want to give the impression that–I’m 0.K. and you’re 0.K. because that is what is expected.
There was something provocatively honest about the cartoon in The New Yorker a few years ago – that had one camel saying to another: I don’t care what people say, I’m thirsty.
I don’t believe most of us can really accept the facts – that camels are thirsty, children are spoiled, mothers are neglectful, fathers are unsuccessful, and people in general are imperfect
The need to alter, control, and change those around us is too strong.
Now forget your problems – your motivations yourselves – for a moment – and try to see Jesus. If anybody had ideals, He did. If anybody ever had tremendous goals, He did. If anybody ever had visions of perfection, He did, yet, do you recall the incident when they found the unfaithful woman? Do you remember how all the men were taking up rocks to literally stone her to death?
The rules were pretty clear in marriage imperfection on the wife’s side – or else – zap! We do away with her permanently! But ‘seriously – do you remember what Jesus said? “He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone. This was certainly not a call to perfection – rather, it was a plea to accept imperfection as the first step towards growth.
These were not the words of a quality control engineer – they were the words of a lover. And with loving, the relationship comes before the record. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had to learn that lesson time and time again. I used to think that before I could go to God – that I had to have a good record – in other words, I used to believe that to pray to God one first ought to be all cleaned up and become acceptable, But I’ve learned – or is it that I’m learning in my own flesh-and-blood life of conflict, betrayals, hurts and joys – I’ve learned that in all my heartaches – God is right there with me – and with you – and He accepts us and loves us – even when we say “Thy will be done”. or even when we’re a pretty pale imitation of a disciple and a follower. A funny thing happens – for Christians – when we can hear – really hear – the Good News in the story of Jesus – somehow our need to change people, as well as ourselves, gradually recedes.
And maybe-just maybe-we discover, as Camus puts it : that there are more things to admire in people than to despise”
I read, just recently, a statement made by Dr. Carl Rogers of La Jolla – that I’d like to share. I don’t know whether Dr. Rogers is a Christian or not – but I believe that there is more good news in his words than in most sermons.
He writes: I have come to believe that appreciating individuals is rather rare. I have come to think that one of the most satisfying experiences I know, and also one of the most growth-promoting for the other person is just fully to appreciate an individual in the same way- that I appreciate a sunset, People are just as wonderful as sunsets . . . if I can let them be. When I look at a sunset, . ‘ as I did the other evening, Dr. Rogers continues, ‘I don’t find myself saying: ‘Soften the orange a little on the right-hand corner, and put a bit more purple along the base, and use a little more pink in the cloud colors. I don’t do that. I watch it with awe as it unfolds. I like myself best when I can experience my staff members, my son, my daughter, my wife – myself – in this way. Appreciate the unfolding of a life.
Think how wonderful it would be if we could appreciate people with all their imperfections, not trying anxiously to change them, enjoying even their weaknesses, and thanking God for all their warts and foibles – and dark sides as well as the good. It isn’t easy to appreciate a life, but I know the first step is being secure in the knowledge that God appreciates yours!
I believe the older I get, the simpler the good news becomes. And today, if I were to proclaim to you my understanding of life and Gospel – it would be this :
All the geese don’t turn into swans. All the caterpillars don’t tum into butterflies, and all the toads aren’t princes in disguise. Alas, husbands aren’t perfect- and all wives are not total wives.. But we can thank God for toads and caterpillars as well as geese, as well as ourselves. For God loves us all – even with our imperfections.
Amen