Memorial Service for Andrea Douglas
Crown, PA
October 12, 1996
Death, anyone’s death, particularly an untimely death like Andrea’s, brings us up short. We’re puzzled, we’re hurt, we’re angry, we’re fearful. For death to some is like a thief in the night – robbing us of a very dear person. And then we gather here, wondering: How can we ever turn this sorrow into joy? And how can we turn our sadness into an act of celebration? And how can we turn tragedy into meaning?
When someone leaves this fragile island, which we call earth, the emptiness the gap they leave seems to widen with every passing day. And yet – and yet we are reminded that every exit is also an entrance into something else. And for this, we can be joyful. I think it was William Faulkner who once wrote, “You have to say goodbye to some things in order to say hello to others.” So we come together to say goodbye to Andrea – but with the sure and certain hope – that this exit is also an entrance into a larger life. As we said back in the memorial service in Tucson – ”she rides on with God.”
We’re fearful at times like this, because we think of death as an ending – something that has robbed us of a precious person. But death isn’t the enemy. It’s the fear of death – that is so debilitating. Once fear of death is put aside, we can begin to celebrate life. We can begin to see – and appreciate the wonderful memories that we have of Andrea. And although we see now through a glass darkly, we can begin to appreciate that “Whether we live or whether we die – we are the Lord’s.” And that neither death nor life can separate us from the love of God or from Andrea. There’s an old Scandinavian proverb that goes – “Those who love the Lord – never see each other for the last time.” And this we believe. And this we celebrate today.
The tragedy of Andrea’s death is not so much that she has gone from our sight. The pain will pass with time. But the tragedy is that she never fully knew how much she was loved and cherished by all who are here today.
Andrea – more than most – wanted to be loved by everyone, and yet she never discovered just how much people cared about her. It’s as if we look in a mirror dimly and can’t see the beauty and goodness that shines back at us – – – it all seems hidden. She, like all of us at times, felt abandoned, alone, and unloved. Yet somewhere within that tragedy, we can affirm that Andrea is at peace. For now, she knows that she is beloved.
There was a four-line affirmation that came out of the 2nd World War. It was found in a bunker that survived a terrible battle. It’s an affirmation that turns our perception of abandonment into a hopeful affirmation. It moves us from tragedy to meaning. Here it is:
I believe in the sun, even if it is not shining.
I believe in light, even if it is dark.
I believe in God, even if He is silent.
I believe in love, even if it is hidden.
We may see through a mirror dimly – We may only know in part – but this we do know – that love never ceases – and that God’s love continues to surround us. And that Andrea will continue to grow in his love.
Andrea left us a legacy of love – one that can’t be quantified by its length (29 years is such a short time) – but rather is calculated by its intensity. Her flame burned brightly – and for this we give thanks – for people are not measured by their years – but ultimately – by how much they have loved. And beyond a doubt, Andrea was one who loved greatly.
it’s interesting to note – one of those strange coincidences – that she died – the week that we celebrate St. Francis’ birthday -Francis, that wonderful Saint – who loved animals, as well as people. And certainly, that characterized Andrea’s life – Horses and dogs – animals of all sorts and conditions were her friends. And the love she had spread its warmth to all of us, A miracle beyond our grasp – a glory past our dreaming.
So let us end our thoughts this afternoon, by saying line by line after me, the prayer St. Francis, that so characterized Andrea’s love.
Let us pray.
Lord, make us instruments of Thy peace. Where there is hatred, let us sow love; Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy;
O divine Master!
Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood and to understand; to be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive; Pardoning that we are pardoned; Dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen